“If It Has Tracks, Tires or Teets, It’s Gonna Be Trouble” – A Heavy Equipment Operator’s Saying

[MikePhua]

What the Saying Means
This colorful idiom reflects the flippant wisdom of seasoned operators: any machine with moving parts—whether tracks, tires, or…teats—is bound to cause problems. Although not found in formal dictionaries, it's frequently heard among operators warning that if it moves or has wear‑prone interfaces, it will fail at the worst time.
It’s a humorous twist on similar jokes about vehicles (“If it has tits or tires it’s going to give you trouble”) showing how all mobile machines demand attention, maintenance, and vigilance.

Why It Rings True in Heavy Equipment Work

• Tracks and Tires: Essential for mobility and stability, but also frequent sources of failure—whether from punctures, tear‑downs on asphalt, misalignment, wear on sprockets, or loss of tension.
  
• Unexpected Vulnerability: Even literal teets (metaphorically referring to hydraulic fittings, things that stick out, or even surprise hazards) can be sources of breakdowns.
  

Users often quip—tires blow out at the least convenient moment; tracks require costly rebuilds; and hydraulic fittings can leak suddenly. The saying reinforces the operator’s caution over anything that can flex, roll, or wear.

Operator Anecdotes Reflect This Sentiment

• A rail operator shared experiences: tracked skid steers offer traction in swamps but need daily tension adjustments; ignoring undercarriage care leads to expensive unexpected failures.
  
• Another operator noted that tires are cheaper but freeze control systems or fail under load, while tracks avoid flats but cost significantly more in replacement and upkeep.
  

Key Lessons (List Format)

• Everything that moves, wears—and will eventually break.
  
• Maintenance and inspection are critical—especially for mobility parts.
  
• Balance between tires and tracks depends on terrain, cost, and downtime risk.
  
• Ultimately, operators learn that preparedness matters more than gear.
  

Glossary of Terms

• Tracks: Rubber or steel belts enabling machine mobility—provide low ground pressure and stability but are expensive to maintain.
  
• Tires: Rubber wheels that are cheaper, easier to repair, and kinder to surfaces, but more prone to flats and poor traction in soft ground.
  
• Teets: Slang term here used metaphorically for hydraulic protrusions, fittings, or any small component that can fail.
  
• Operator Wisdom: The body of practical sayings and lore passed down among machine users—often as cautionary tales or humorous maxims.
  

Case Example
A landscaping crew swapped diesel-powered skid loaders with over‑the‑tire tracks to work on grass. Within hours, multiple flats and torn belts occurred due to hidden debris. Operator joked: “If it has tires or tracks, anything attachment‑related could trip you up.” Only regular site cleaning and daily inspections prevented repeat failures.

Conclusion
This tongue-in-cheek adage underscores a simple truth of heavy machinery: mobility brings capability—but also vulnerability. Tracks, tires, and even small fittings—if they move or carry load—need regular care. Operators who respect this reality catch issues early, avoid costly breakdowns, and better navigate the unpredictability of job site life.
In the end, the saying champions vigilance: keep them tight, clean, and in spec—or it'll bite you when you're least expecting it.